Quiz: What Kind of Bitch Are You?

boring bitches

Ever wondered if you’re a basic, or worse, whack bitch? Well I’ve come up with 9 simple questions to help you find out (do note that you can fall into multiple categories at the same time, for example, a whack basic):

  1. Do you do the same thing every weekend?
  2. Do you openly admit to, and talk about, watching: any show on the E! network, any show with the word ‘wife’ in the title, or Sex and The City? (we all WATCH them from time to time, the question is if you are ashamed of yourself for doing so.)
  3. Do you own anything from Lilly Pulitzer?
  4. Do you and your friends look the same? and when you go out, do 95% of the other girls around you look the same as well?
  5. Do you and your friends ever sing Disney songs when you’re drunk in public? Actually, we can just change that to do you and your friends sing when you’re drunk in public. (Rapping is probably ok, but will be judged on a case-by-case basis.)
  6. Do you give a shit, or feel bad about answering yes to any of the questions above (if you did answer yes to any of them)?
  7. Do you make a scene at parties/events more than once a year? (this includes, but is not limited to, drunken crying, fighting, giving death stares to any female within a 5 foot radius of your boyfriend, getting ‘i need to be taken care of’ drunk, starting fights, etc.)
  8. Do you find yourself judging the lifestyles/interests of others that you have never tried before, and know nothing about? Your first reaction is going to be to say no to this, but look at yourself honestly and ask yourself if you do (ask yourself how you feel about people who listen to country music, dubstep, punk, etc). The first step to being cool is being honest with yourself.
  9. Are you rude to waiters, bartenders, interns, or basically anyone who you deem is ‘below you’?

*If you answered no to all of these, you’re a cool bitch. You’ve done well, I have no further questions for you. Feel free to carry on with your day.

*If you answered yes to two or more of the first five, you’re most likely a basic. But it’s okay, you’re not doing any harm and you’re probably still a good person, so we coo’. At worst, you’re just boring and sometimes a little annoying.

*If you answered yes to 6 or 7, you’re pretty whack. But it’s probably just because you’re insecure. Hopefully you’ll grow out of it?

*If you answered yes to any of the last three, congratulations, you’re way beyond whack bitch, you’re on cruise control in the fast lane of: worst bitch out. You’re closed minded, judgmental, self centered, and you just suck.

But I have good news; there is still hope for you. You can change your whack ways and become a cool bitch in 4 simple steps:

1) Stop judging things you know nothing about. This is RULE NUMBER ONE. You’re allowed to have your own mind and your own point of view, this is actually encouraged and very necessary if you want to be a cool bitch, BUT, what you need to realize is that there are other people who feel differently about things. No one is right or wrong, it’s just about personal preference, and accepting that different things make different people happy. If it’s not something that is directly effecting you in a negative way, then let it ride. The more things you let roll off your back, the better and happier you’ll be.

2) Stop caring about judgement from other people. What makes a whack bitch whack, is that she doesn’t have a mind of her own; or maybe she does but she’s too afraid of rejection to explore it. She adapts to whatever is going on around her. She doesn’t think for herself, she lets whatever magazines she reads, or group she hangs out with tell her what is cool. Essentially, she lacks the confidence and self-awareness to not give a fuck about what other people think of her. Being a basic, in and of itself, isn’t the end of the world, it’s how you carry yourself. I know plenty of girls who wear J.Crew, put bows in their hair, and inhale Starbucks who are cool AF, because they do that shit because they want to, and they definitely don’t care what anyone has to say about it. We call this rare breed of girls who can somehow take being very vanilla and make it kind of entertaining: betches. The betch may wear, listen to, watch, and do mainstream shit, but she remains respected because she doesn’t care what you think. She LITERALLY can’t-even-deal with you judging her about it, and is probably laughing at you for even caring enough to think about it, because she knows it doesn’t matter, and whether you think it’s cool or not, that’s what she wants to do. What sets the betch apart from the whack, or basic, is that she is aware of, and embraces her basicness, and doesn’t care what anyone has to say about it. It’s much like the way ‘bros’ embrace their bro-y-ness  **Bottom line here is: do what makes you happy. If you can do you full heartedly, people will have no choice but to respect it.**

3) Stop making your problems everyone else’s problem. If something really upset you and you don’t want to be wherever you’re at anymore, leave. You’re a grown ass woman and you are fully capable of going home whenever you want, and once you get to that point, you’re not going to go back to having fun at the party/event/thing you’re at, so there’s no reason to stay there anyway. The only thing you will accomplish by staying there, is making everyone else feel uncomfortable, and yourself look pathetic. Very lame on all accounts.

4) Stop thinking you’re better than ANYONE else. Ever. I don’t even know what to say about this one since it’s so astoundingly elementary. Just know that every single person in the world has lived a different life, which means every single person in the world knows something you don’t know, and when you rule people out, you’re cheating yourself out of the knowledge or new perspective you could have gained from them.

So get a grip girl. If you work on those three things, you’ll be a cool cat in no time, and you’ll probably be a whole lot happier to boot.