Yo, the internet is crazy. Ever since Al Gore invented this shit, nothing was ever the same.
Woah, what? An Al Gore joke and a Drake reference in not only the same sentence, but the opening paragraph of an article? Yea guys, that’s the kind of crazy shit that happens on the internet every-damn-day.
It’s wild out here, and for the most part it’s good, but it also gives people a whole bunch of opportunities to pop up on your radar, even if you don’t want them to. Sometimes you need to take matters into your own hands & pull the plug on mother fuckers though. Throw up the old hard block, you feel me?
It’s a weird world out there and you’ve gotta be on top of your game about the shit you’re allowing into your realm, cuz when you leave the gates open you’re just leaving yourself vulnerable to all sorts of shit that might fuck up your zen.
Here are 4 people you might just need to ice the fuck out.
What is getting iced out? I’ll allow Black Mirror to explain
1) Anyone you need to get over.
If you’re doing any kind of back and forth flirtation with a dude/chick and you can tell you’re not #1 on their list of suitors: bye.
You might have gone on one date with this person and never heard from them again when you wanted to, or you may have been together for 10 years but shit went sour. Whatever the reason, when someone isn’t as into you as you are into them, they might just need to get iced TF out.
In this case, the ice will usually melt over time and y’all can be friends (if you feel like that’s something you want to do), but until you pass the point of having any feelings for them whatsoever: up goes the igloo.
Technology is the reason you have to move to fucking China or kill anyone who ever dumps you, because no one will ever just go away anymore, which makes the process of moving on from a situation nearly impossible.
Remember back in the day when a dude started getting whack, you just threw out all the CD’s he burned you, or anything that reminded you of him, and moved the fuck on? Those were the days.
Unfortunately, out of sight out of mind no longer exists because of the internet, so until you’re fully over a dude/chick, you’ve got to have their ass blocked on all accounts. Facebook, Twitter, IG, his/her number, even fuckin’ Gmail yo, don’t take no chances.
I ain’t givin you no opportunity to creep through my DM’s and fuck up my head space for the day just to make sure I don’t hate you. Cuz I (probably) don’t (dependent on the situation), but we also don’t need to talk, my dude. Just burn that pair of socks I somehow left at your house, and vanish off the face of my digital earth. Never to be heard from again. It’s almost like you never even existed.
2) Anyone who needs to get over you
If you’re doing any kind of back and forth flirtation and with a dude/chick and they’ve already cleared out the spaces on all their lists of interests for you: bye.
Look yes, if you’re gonna like someone you need to be number one on the list of people they’re interested in, but you don’t want to be number one on their list of interests, nawmsayin? That shit is waaaay too much responsibility. Besides, if they don’t have interests of their own, are they even worth dating?
Like, I get it, you’re probably a cool person, and if this suitor got to the point with you where you are flirting back and forth, they’re probably cool on some level too, but shit like, if you hardly even know someone and they’re trying to drop their life for you, that means one of two things: they don’t have much going on, or they’re fucking insane.
Get a ‘Good morning :)’ after three consecutive days of texts that you did not reply to? Oops, looks like you just fucked around and got yourself iced out, bruv.
You don’t need to immediately jump to the ice block for this one. You can ignore it for a while, and hope it goes away if that makes you feel like less of an asshole, but even the nicest of nice girls have a bottom line.
If they can’t get the picture, you may just have to fall off the face of their motha fuckin digital earth.
3) That random person you went to HS with who now posts mad racist/sexist/any ‘ist’ shit on fb.
Yo…….. what???? Weren’t you normal back in high school, or was I too busy doing whip-its out of whipped cream cans to notice? Frankly, I have no idea, but what I do know is that I am definitely not trying to see any of THIS shit on my TL.
Most crazies need to get iced. Unless they’re like super next level crazy, in which case you definitely want to see all of it because shit like that is good for laughs. But low to mid grade crazy is just irritating and might fuck up your zen.
At this level, they don’t need to be fully iced out. A simple unfollow will do.
4) Most people over 65 *those of you who are over 65, if you are reading this, this next part doesn’t apply to you, because if it did, you wouldn’t be able to see this*.
Yo, nothing but love and respect for our elders, but they walk on very thin ice on social media. First of all, none of the shit they ever share is funny. These are the people who made ‘chain forwarded emails’ go viral. Yea, remember that shit? No one our age was old enough to partake in that bullshit back then, it was their whacko generation.
Idk how our senses of humor could be so different, but damn. Baby boomers + social media = mad corn.
Second of all, they often don’t understand a lot of our generations humor, which can create all kinds of unpleasant situations. Take, for example, this post.
Now anyone from our generation understands that this post means, ‘I don’t give a fuck’, but judging from the feedback, I can only imagine that everyone over 65 who read this thought I was saying I usually have sex in fields, but that I haven’t been laid in a while.
Not only this commenter, also my mother spoke with me IN PERSON about this post, regarding her concern with how I carry myself on social media. It was a day I’ll not soon forget, but dearly wish to.
At this level, it’s up to you whether or not you go full block, but typically I just go with seriously restricted access to my posts, so that no ones feelings get hurt. But if I get one too many messages asking me about how I’m doing, or if I’m married, all that can change.
So that’s that. Good luck out there on the internet, my friends. And remember, it’s never too late to Ctrl + Alt + Delete a bitch. Bliss up.