How to: Survive This Damn Heat

This pretty much sums it up. Wtf has been going on? I cannot do this. I’m not a damn toucan either, and I definitely didn’t order whatever mother nature has been serving up for the last month. But alas, such is life so we gotta make due.

Here’s how to survive:

Go outside. Or maybe don’t…I’m not sure. Is there a breeze and a park nearby? What’s the humidity level like where you’re at? Idk people, use your head, I’m not a genie, I can’t give you the answers.

Find some AC. If you have it in your room, good for you princess, that shit must be grand. If not, you better high tail it to the closest Starbucks or Library or some shit. Remember, free wifi is also a must.

Put your stupid hair up. Either that or just cut it all off. Don’t fight me on this, ok? It’s going to look sweaty and frizzy in an hour if you try and wear it down, so just make it look good up off the bat. This is a heat wave, sister, there’s going to have to be some follicle casualties. My personal favorites are multiple French braids, or two buns; but I live a pretty laissez-faire life, so it may not be as appropriate for you to walk around looking like a kawaii chola. I’m also a big fan of the top bun, which is much more appropriate for work, and 10 times easier than either of the aforementioned hair styles.

Baby power. Everywhere. Seriously everywhere. Under arms, under boob, under butt, in your butt cheeks, the webs of your fingers and toes, behind your neck, behind your knees, DEFINITELY between your legs. Just straight up shower in that shit. Plus you’ll smell awesome, all around win.

Wear the baggiest clothes you own. The less cloth touching your body, the better. And you better make sure that shit is breathable AF. Channel your inner hippy. There are few styles more suitable for a heatwave than ‘traveling gypsy’, trust me. But make sure you’re thinking of the right hippy. Think batika, not belle bottom jeans.

Get a spray bottle of water and mist yourself like the mermaid you are. Before you even mention your makeup and that effecting it, just stop. If the temperature is anywhere over 82 degrees, the only thing anyone is thinking about is how damn hot they are. No one cares what you look like, so just relax. And besides, you gotta look out for you first and foremost babygirl. Don’t you worry about what you look like to the general public, worry about how you’re gonna keep your ass from chafing while walking to the subway.

And lastly

Cry. Just let it all out. Maybe the tears will feel cool running down your cheeks? Idk. At this rate, anything is worth a shot.

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